Four doctors, two lawyers and a fireman.

Twenty four is a funny old age. You’re not quite grown up but you’re certainly not in your teenage years either. Half of your friends are succumbing to a comfortable lifestyle with their fella. The other half are still living for the weekend: spending their days in a meaningless albeit pretty well paid job (which has absolutely nothing to do with their university degree) and whiling away their free time lying on the sofa in their mum’s house fighting a monstrous hangover. You can’t log into your Facebook account without seeing scan pictures or photos of a couple grinning away at the camera whilst holding out her left hand, proudly displaying an engagement ring. Every time you go to a family function, you have to grin and bare your great auntie’s questions about life: “Where do you think you’ll be in ten years time?” “Whatever happened to that lad you were seeing in the summer?” and “In my day, we were all married by your age. Why is it you're still single?”

Great. Fan-fucking-tastic. Part of you is secretly glad that you aren’t one of the young married couples – facing the huge responsibility of a mortgage, a baby and a husband is sometimes too much to stomach when you still can’t quite believe that despite you brushing it off with “yeah, I only graduated a couple of years ago”, the truth is, it was actually four years ago and you’ve been in the same dead end job since (despite bitterly protesting that it was only for six months; you were only going to stay until Christmas; you’ll wait to see if you get promoted; you can’t bring yourself to leave).

But then the other part of you, the part which classes watching eight hours of Netflix in one go as a day well spent, is starting to panic. What if this is all it’s meant to be? What if I’m always the single one? The one people come to for a good night out, some fashion advice and a whinge about their fella? What if I never get married/have a baby/buy a house/get a proper job/create a grown up life? Does it really matter? Just because society expects you to do all of the above before the age of thirty two, does that mean you have to? What if you’re happy spending your days going through the McDonalds drive-thru in your Primark pyjamas and spending a small fortune on shoes and false lashes? Do you really have to give all of that up?

Well, the short answer is no. You don’t. You can do all of the fun stuff whilst spending your life with someone and the nicest part is, if you’re with the right person, all the other stuff – the scary conversations in the bank, the birth plan, the saving for your honeymoon – that will all be as equally fun. But what if the people you keep dating/meeting/sleeping with are all absolute losers? If I'm being completely honest, I have a very low opinion of men at the minute. This isn't in a modern day feminist sort of way, either. It's just what I've discovered over the last few years. You know the little part of your brain which pipes up as you're helping yourself to a rather large piece of chocolate when you're supposed to be on a diet? Yeah, I'm not sure if men have that.

The first thing you need to look at is where you keep meeting your potential love quests. For me personally, I tend to go for people I work with. Always have done. Rookie error. Don’t do it. Avoid at all costs. That isn’t to say that people who work together and live together aren’t happy - it just means that if things go wrong, work can become a very hostile environment. Which nobody needs if they’re going through a break up. If you want to wear the same dress twice in one week and you opt for the extra half an hour in bed and to dry shampoo your hair into a scruffy bun, you should bloody well get to do so in comfort without getting funny looks from across the office or any sarcastic remarks at the water fountain.

So, where else can you meet a potential love quest? Personally, I adore cute unexpected love stories. Let me tell you one I heard at the hairdressers. My hairdresser’s friend was going through a really rough time. She’d been made redundant, she was on antidepressants and things really weren’t going her way. She was filling her car up at the petrol station and without really concentrating, she’d used diesel instead of petrol. (Schoolboy error. We’ve all nearly done it at one point in our driving lives.) Hysterical, she rang the RAC and within an hour, there was a nice chappie rectifying the error. They got talking, they swapped numbers and they’re now happily married with a baby.

Let me tell you about my two sisters. My oldest sister was involved in a drunken piggyback ride on her twenty first birthday and it resulted in her breaking her jaw. She was helped by a male friend she’d known for years, who quite literally held her jaw in place whilst in A and E, and now they’ve been married for six years and have produced three wonderful boys. My other sister met her husband in Year Seven at school but, being from a Spanish family, he moved to Spain before the year was out. When he came back to Warrington, he went to a different school. They got speaking on Facebook ten years later and despite my brother in law fighting in Afghanistan at the time, hey presto, they’re married with two cherubs.

They’re the kinds of stories I love. Although each love story is unique and special to the couple it involves, I just think that sounds much nicer and much more meant to be than “I poked your mum on Facebook and met up with her in Showbar” or “We met on Tinder.”

I’ve never been one for internet dating. I’ve nothing against it – I just don’t think it’s right for me. It’s not that I think it would be awkward, I just think meeting up with someone you don’t know is a little odd. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying everyone you speak to on the internet is planning to lure you to their secret chamber and behead you – although it is a possibility! – the chances are, they’re just normal people like yourself who also don’t know how to successfully date. But there's something about purposely seeking someone for romance which strikes me as a little sad. Whatever happened to good old fashioned romance? Falling in love instead of choosing to love?

Now, I’ve never had Tinder or been on Plenty of Fish, which to my knowledge are both free to download and use. A few of my friends have. A couple have had a few dates out of it. One of them is very happily in love with her lovely boyfriend who she met on Tinder. Which is great and I couldn’t be happier for both of them. But this just doesn’t sit well with me. It’s not something I could ever see myself doing, which is ironic considering online dating pretty much relies on your written communication skills. Something I feel very confident with.

Okay. Internet dating is out of the question for me. I refuse to be involved with anyone from work. I’m no longer at university, which was the easiest place in the world to meet the opposite sex. I haven’t had my petrol station/broken chin/Afghanistan love story, so where does that leave me? I had this conversation very recently with a fellow single friend of mine. She mentioned speed dating. I howled into my glass of wine.

Me? Speed dating? The image just didn’t correlate at all. Somehow, I couldn’t quite picture myself going from table to table in some dingy little pub, shaking lots of sweaty hands and answering questions from a forty something bearded accountant such as, “Do you come here often?” Even thinking about it makes me cringe. Seriously, I thought, what are the chances of a Channing Tatum lookalike coming to a speed dating event?

Weeks later, another single friend suggested we go to a speed dating event in Manchester. I was umming and aahing about it for a few days. Would it be awkward? Uncomfortable? Boring? Would I want the ground to swallow me up? What if I ended up sat with someone who I just really didn’t click with and I had no option but to leg it to the toilet and escape through the window?

No, I scolded myself. You’re being ridiculous. A room full of nice single men from Manchester (not Warrington – thank Christ. There’s nothing worse than going on a date with someone and realising you’ve got his ex girlfriend on Facebook or that you work with his mum) sounds like an unexpectedly nice evening. I mean, what else was I going to do on a random midweek evening other than sit and watch The Chase in my pyjamas with my mum, uploading inspirational quotes to Instagram and eating my way through the kitchen? Plus, I’d promised myself that this year, I was going to try new things and speed dating was definitely new. Toughen up, kid, I thought. You’re going.

And I did.

We arrived a little bit late. The email had said the event would start at eight o’clock but we needed to be there by twenty past seven to register and mingle. Yes. You read that correctly. We were expected to mingle with the very same men we would be awkwardly chatting to half an hour later. Due to the traffic, we arrived at gone half past seven. It was taking place in La Tasca on Deansgate. A very nice little restaurant with an underground bar. We were in the bar and the whole room had been hired out for us to use.

As soon as we walked in, I got butterflies. Not because I’d found love at first sight but purely down to nerves. Why was I nervous? I honestly don’t know. I literally never get nervous – once you’ve done a fourteen minute monologue in professional theatre in nothing but your underwear, there’s not really much that phases you – so why was I suddenly feeling quiet, awkward and – dare I say it – shy? The words Emily Chriscoli and shy do not go together.

Initially, I’d been torn whether to have a drink or not but after this, I decided to get a double. Unfortunately, there was only one girl behind the bar and she didn’t speak a word of English. In fact, when we were running late, I’d phoned ahead to the bar and spoken to this girl and explained we were on our way but were bumper to bumper. She kept asking me if I wanted to book a table. She was obviously very new and was struggling to recognise the twenty pound note I handed her. I wasn’t filled with much hope for our drinks as she came back and asked me twice what my order was. She promptly forgot to bring the Diet Coke I’d ordered for my friend and knowing there was no point explaining it for a third time, I abandoned all hopes for the Diet Coke. I didn’t want to trouble her with a refund. The poor girl looked terrified at the sight of forty thirsty nervous speed daters.

Anyway, the event didn’t start at eight as promised. It started at half seven. Because of the slow moving bar experience, people didn’t take their seats until quarter to. Horrified, I realised my first date was already sat at my designated table (the girls stay seated, the boys go from table to table) and he was looking around to see where his invisible date was. The bar girl dropped the glass of vodka and coke I was buying for my other friend. She moved slower than a dying slug as she got on her hands and knees to clean it up. I was desperate. I was now the only person at the bar. We only had four minutes with each date and I’d spent well over half of that trying to get a drink.

With only twenty seconds to spare, I ran to my table, flustered and thirsty but no longer nervous. Luckily, it made a very good ice breaker as I launched into the explanation for my absence. He laughed. I laughed. We chatted (very briefly) and the hostess rang the bell, signalling the men to swap over. Wow. Was that it? Had I successfully completed my first ‘date’?

Over the course of the next twenty minutes, I met a selection of very nice men. The age range for the event was twenty four to forty. Being twenty four, I was the youngest person there which made it a little uncomfortable when I was chatting to men from the other end of the scale. Don’t get me wrong, I love an older man but the oldest I’ve been with is mid thirties and that was at a push. There’s not a huge amount of things I have in common with older men. What do you talk to them about? Motorbikes? Bald spots? Midlife crisis’?

They were all more than pleasant to speak to, except for one man whose name I will change, just in case there’s the very slim chance that he reads this. Let’s call him Barry. Barry was actually forty four. Four years older than the specified age range. Barry spent a good three minutes telling me about his problems with his ex wife (without even asking me where I’m from, what I do for a living – in fact, he didn’t ask me anything about myself at all. I sat there in silence with the occasional verbal nod as input) and how he has abandoned twenty years of working as a chef to start his own cavity wall and loft insulation business which isn’t doing very well. Great. Oh wait, his ex wife is trying to ruin his business? She’s a money grabbing leech? Nice. Barry, here’s a tip for any future dates you may go on – speedy or otherwise – don’t talk about your ex. It’s uncomfortable for all involved. Besides, you can’t move on if you’re still living in the past, son.

There was the odd person who I just didn’t click with. They were perfectly lovely, just not for me, including one bloke who was probably one of the youngest men there and he literally just said "Can I add you on Facebook?" before saying anything else. I was so taken aback, I didn't really know what to say and mumbled something about hating Facebook but he could follow me on Twitter. By the time we were on our way home, my phone lit up and low and behold, he had found me on Facebook.

Two men were foreign and one spoke such little English that I felt as if I was in a bad comedy sketch. “You are no cinema, yes?” Sorry, Baklav mate, it's never going to work. One man came over to me in the interval (yes, you get a break after every ten dates or so for a toilet break or God forbid another drinks order) and demanded to know why he hadn’t seen me yet. Maybe because you haven’t got round to my table yet?! He then proceeded to fire questions at me whilst I was trying to move over to my friend’s table to have a quick mid-date catch up. And they were the oddest questions someone can ask another person in an attempt to get to know them: "What's your favourite colour?" "Are you a Sagittarius?" and my personal favourite, "How much do you earn?" I am not kidding.

What did surprise me was how many doctors there were there. I’m not sure what I was expecting but I certainly didn’t think there’d be that many doctors. There were lots of other careers including lawyers, firemen, teachers, DJs and one guy who was a ranger. And he bloody loved his job. He had an in depth discussion with my friend about how he could kill an animal with his bare hands. Bravo, my friend. But going back to the doctors, most of them explained that due to a hectic schedule, they never have any time to meet someone. Interestingly, they were the most pleasant to speak to and unlike some of the other men, they didn’t automatically demand to know your job title. They would happily speak about anything else and only when prompted did they reveal that they were a doctor, whereas if that was me, I would be shouting it from the rooftops.

There was one doctor who works in Warrington who was particularly good looking and he had a lovely smell. (That’s always important. There was more than one person at speed dating who were in desperate need of a Tic Tac.) In the car on the way home, we all agreed that he was lovely and the following day, when you put your yes’s into the website, it came up with a match which means he’d put a yes for me too. (You also get to see who else put you down as a ‘yes’)This means that we get each other’s number and can arrange a date. I’m not sure yet whether I’ll go – it feels a little bit like meeting someone off the internet, despite having met him in the flesh, but it’s nice to know the option’s there.

Strangely enough, the whole evening was fantastic. We spent the whole night laughing – sometimes with the person across the table and the rest in the car on the way home. It was a total success and I’m glad I went, as are the other girls I went with. It was nice getting dressed up, having a few drinks and meeting new people in a new place, plus everyone went out for drinks in Manchester afterwards. Understandably, speed dating nights or singles nights have a bit of a stigma attached to them. I understand this. I had this same opinion until I went myself. The best way to describe a speed dating night is by comparing it to the evening do at a wedding. You've had a few drinks, you're in a merry mood, you're sat at a table with people you've only just met and yet it isn't awkward, it's fun. You'll never meet anyone new if you just socialise with the same group of people. You'll end up going back to old habits and trust me, still being messed about by boys who work in a call centre gets very old after a while.

There’s another speed dating night coming up in Stockton Heath and another one in Liverpool, especially for military men. If any single ladies fancy it, let me know and you’re more than welcome to come along. A few cocktails down your neck and you’ll have a laugh if nothing else. Besides, you never know, you might be telling your grandkids in fifty years time that the love of your life was date number eleven on an otherwise rainy night in February.

Reasons to be cheerful.

As you probably know, my last two blog entries have been a bit low. I was – what me and my friend Kate like to say – being a Debbie Downer. I decided that 2015 was going to be a happy year for me and I stand by that. So far, it’s been great. Although we are only one month in.

I was lying in the bath one evening and I got my thinking cap on. (This is very often the case when I’m in the bath. It’s the perfect thinking spot. I write in my bed, think in the bath and get inspired on public transport. Yes, I lead a very sad life.) I got to thinking about positivity and what makes us feel happy and bright. As I’ve already pointed out - and I promise I won't bang on about it for much longer - The Perfect Ten is all about a person’s happiness. If you’re a one, you’re desperately unhappy. If you’re a ten, you’re blissfully happy. A normal, healthy person will be anywhere from seven to ten. But for some people, that’s damn near impossible.

For some people, getting out of bed in a morning is a momentous task. Don’t get me wrong, we all hate getting out of bed at least two or three days during the week – the weather might be cold, your bed is nice and toasty and it’s still dark outside, meaning you hit the snooze button more times than is strictly necessary. But I'm not talking about winter laziness. I'm talking about unhappiness. There are all sorts of reasons why people might not be happy – health problems, grief, depression, money worries, crippling anxiety, weight issues, low self esteem, no confidence. The list is endless. 

Undoubtedly, you’ll already know that I’ve battled with unhappiness myself very recently. I'm not for a moment saying I've struggled to get out of bed or struggled to get through the day. Thankfully, I've not. I've got a great momma who wouldn't let me spend the entire day clad only in My Little Pony pyjamas whilst cocooned in my duvet, as much as that might sound appealing on this cold and frosty Friday morning. She's very hands on and positive and hosts a kind of, "Okay, world, bring it on!" attitude which thankfully, I seem to have inherited. As they say, the devil makes work for idle hands. If I keep myself busy, I'm pretty much guaranteed to have a good day. If I don't have any plans other than to mooch about the house, watching TV and eating my own weight in Toblerone - as much that is one of my favourite pastimes - I do tend to end up feeling rather maudlin.

There has been a couple of times where I've started to question what I've done wrong in a past life to deserve the wheelbarrow of shit that has been foisted upon me lately. But then, after a while, I'll shake my head, pull myself together and stop being a Debbie Downer. Let's be honest. It isn't about doing something wrong in a past life. It isn't even about doing something wrong in this life. For a long time, I thought karma dictated our lives. The general consensus is if you do something horrible to another person, eventually, something horrible will happen to you.

If you think about it, I bet you can probably name a person who you think is a horrible little rat but for some unknown reason, they keep coming up smelling of roses. I know I can. And I'm not just talking about someone you don't particularly like. I'm talking about someone who has gone out of their way to hurt you. Well, don't worry. Their time will come. And, unlike you, it won't be that they have a bad year in their early twenties. It will be in years to come, when everyone else has got their lives together. If someone has done something truly terrible on purpose, it will catch up with them. No doubt about that.

But don't focus all of your energy on someone else's happiness or unhappiness. If you spend too much time wondering about other people - who, if you're really being honest with yourself, you don't actually know very well, if at all - you will be bypassing your own happiness. Your own life. Stop checking her Facebook to see what she's up to. Stop stalking his brother's girlfriend's sister's best friend's Instagram. Concentrate on you. Smile.

So, it's not that I'm saying karma doesn't exist. It does. But life doesn't depend on it. If you're unhappy, it isn't because you did something terrible six years ago last Wednesday. Equally, if wonderful things keep happening to you, it isn't the universe trying to make up for you being picked last for netball in Year Seven and it isn't the universe saying sorry for you failing your driving test nine times. It doesn't work that way.

The bottom line is - do good and good will come to you. But if it doesn't, that doesn't necessarily mean you're a bad person. You're not Adolf Hitler reincarnated. It just means you need to keep smiling. Unless you can actually think of one or more specific things you have done on purpose which are spiteful, nasty, hurtful or wrong, then you aren't a bad person. And if you're stuck in a bit of a rut of bad luck, it's just life throwing you lemons. Take those lemons. Make tequila. Have a party. It will get better.

I remembered reading something online a few years ago and it was about reasons for why small but annoying things might happen to a person on a day to day basis. I searched for it online a few weeks ago when I thought about writing this blog entry. I won't bore you to tears by posting the entire thing, but I'll post a few lines here:

Me (frustrated): Why did you let so much stuff happen to me today?

GOD: What do you mean?

Me: Well I woke up late.

GOD: Yes

Me: My car took forever to start.

GOD: Well let me see….. the angel of death was at your bed this morning and I had to send one of the other angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that.  I didn’t let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that might have hit you if you were on the road.

That's literally just a snippet but I recommend you read the whole thing. Again, my feelings towards religion are a bit fuzzy at the moment and I'm not actively religious anyway but this comforted me. So - back to when I was lying in the bath - I made a mental list of all the times I’ve felt happy over small, seemingly insignificant things. After five or ten minutes, feeling surprisingly chipper, I decided to write them down so when I am having a bad day, hopefully, I’ll be able to smile.

Mostly, they are the wonderings of a twenty something year old girl but I like to think they apply to most people. If you're feeling sad or down or even just a little bit grumpy, switch the kettle on (or uncork the wine!), sit back and relax, kid.

1. Finding money in an old forgotten bag.
2. Waking up naturally, before your alarm goes off and spending ten minutes having a little doze.
3. The sun shining on a day you really need it to shine – graduation day, barbecue, birthday, wedding. Yes, you don’t have to battle with an umbrella!
4. Receiving positive feedback about work you’ve done. Especially if it’s something you put your blood, sweat and tears into.
5. Christmas with children. Perfect.
6. Seeing someone you haven’t seen for a long time and laughing and joking with them as if no time has passed.
7. Getting into a toasty warm car when you’ve been stood in the pouring down rain.
8. Being called beautiful.
9. Sitting down after you’ve been stood in a queue for a long time.
10. Someone complimenting your hair when you least expect it. Sometimes it’s nice to know you don’t look as crap as you may feel!
11. Waking up in a panic, thinking you're late for work... then the realisation hits you that it's your day off.
12. Trying on an old pair of jeans which still fit you perfectly.
13. Turning your pillow to the cold side during the night.
14. Taking your clothes off after a day of sitting outside and realising you have caught the sun.
15. Being hugged really tightly. From behind. When you least expect it. From someone you love. Not a stranger. That would be odd.
16. Fantasising about a certain meal all day, then getting home, making it and it tasting ten times better than you imagined.
17. Freshly shaved legs when you’re in bed.
18. Seeing someone you care about really happy. There is no nicer feeling than sitting at the wedding of someone you love dearly, smiling whilst a little tipsy and thinking, Ahh, I’m so glad I’m here to witness this.
19. Watching old home videos.
20. When you feel the first sips of alcohol hit your stomach and you get that strange warm feeling.
21. Changing the channel on the TV and finding one of your favourite films, just as it’s starting.
22. Bare feet on the beach. Or the grass. Or anywhere, really.
23. That first sip of coffee in the morning.
24. Guessing the time, looking at a clock and realising you had it spot on.
25. Air conditioning in your hotel room on holiday.
26. Taking an item to the till in a shop and being told it’s half price.
27. Eskimo kisses.
28. Being a bridesmaid, a best man or a godparent. 
29. When you're not feeling your best and your pet tries to cheer you up.
30. Putting clothes on straight from the tumble drier and they’re still warm.
31. Morning sex.
32. Starting a new job and meeting a colleague who you instantly warm to and click with.
33. Duvet days = comfy clothes, fuzzy socks, comfort food, box sets.
34. When an animal winks at you.
35. Catching up on your advent calendar when you’ve missed the last few days.
36. Being able to smell your perfume on the neck of your dress.
37. Reading your Horoscope and feeling positive for the week ahead.
38. When you've had a cold for weeks and you can finally breathe through your nose.
39. Unexpected presents.
40. Meeting someone’s baby for the first time and the baby smiles at you.
41. That feeling of job satisfaction when you've successfully changed the bedding on a double bed. On your own.
42. Mentally ticking everything off your to-do list.
43. Eating a really tasty meal and being told it was low in calories.
44. Reading through the “what happened last night?” texts whilst hungover.
45. Thinking about someone all day and then receiving an unexpected text off them.
46. Giving up your seat on the bus for an old person or a pregnant lady.
47. Realising that your siblings are your friends for life. They will always have your back.
48. Managing to remove your skinny jeans sexily.
49. Receiving flowers.
50. Someone saying “That’s my girl” about you.
51. Reading a really good blog. (Ahem.)
52. Someone uploading a photo of the two of you which you didn’t know existed.
53. Hanging your washing on the line outside and it smelling of sunshine when you bring it in.
54. Barbecues, water fights, sunbathing, holidays, SUMMER.
55. Doing a good deed, for no other reason except you wanted to do it. Giving a homeless person spare change, picking a dropped item off the floor and returning it to the person who dropped it, sending an email to a company about the good customer service you received. Whatever it is, do it.
56. Someone playing with your hair.
57. Crumpets. Enough said.
58. Freshly washed bedding. In fact, freshly washed bedding teamed with clean pyjamas and you’re onto a winner.
59. Learning something new.
60. Breakfast in bed. Especially when someone else has made it.
61. Waking up after a night of heavy drinking with absolutely no hangover.
62. Liking your friend's selfie when you know it's taken her a lot of courage to post it. Go 'ed, girl, you look fucking incredible.
63. Having sex with someone you’ve liked for ages. Really. Good. Sex.
64. Pulling on your sweats after a day of wearing skinny jeans.
65. Stroking your cat and making him purr.
66. Hot chocolate, snowball fights, late night shopping, wrapping presents, writing cards, CHRISTMAS.
67. Seeing children all excited on a school trip.
68. Being comfortable when silent with someone.
69. The first time you drive a car alone - and live to tell the tale!
70. Laughing until your stomach hurts.
71. Speaking to someone on public transport and genuinely enjoying their company.
72. Long walks in the summer.
73. Pancake Day.
74. Being able to quote your entire way through a film.
75. Listening to music on a long journey.
76. Waking up and realising you’ve had just the right amount of sleep.
77. Saying 'good morning' to people you see at the same time every day - the postman, the milkman, the lady walking her dog.
78. Dancing and laughing with your friends and not checking your phone for hours.
79. Visiting your grandparents and leaving almost two stone heavier.

And if that wasn't enough for you, here are some visual reasons to be cheerful: (I particularly like the before and after doggy pictures)

 

 

And if that didn't work, this surely will:

Keep smiling, kid. You're doing fine.